I want to kick my shoes off and walk into your apartment, feel the cold parkay on my soles. I want to sit cross-legged on your floor and thumb through a book while you brew coffee. I want to hear your latest idea, to riff on it or disagree, to share a joke, to plan an adventure… Will you sit with me?

 

You’re reading this right now because I miss you, my friend in your corner of the country. We live splintered lives here in modern America. Hearts are fastened and cleaved; communities with hung hats get disintegrated with the radon of time. We’re not going to see each other again. Get used to it. And if we do there is a good chance we won’t even know what it’s like to be around each other any more.

Unless…

We begin to share our ideas and conversations like we did when we were in each other’s presence. In the time since we’ve been away you’ve changed. So what? We were always changing even when we were together, but hearing your reflections, convictions and voice made me adapt and see the real you in that moment. The reason we grow apart stems from not hearing each other’s voice for extended period of time. If you’re in phase 4 of your most current transformation and I’ve missed out on phases 1-3 then this goose is cooked. Right?

Not if we hear each other’s voices again.

Writing a blog is giving in to fear. If no one reads these things, then I am simply a maniac screaming inaudible, nonsensical things into a yawning cache. If my readership is strong I might get spun up (as I am like to do when around preferred company) and post something stupid, ignorant, not-well-thought-out (it would not be the first time). I am afraid of these things. These thoughts are perhaps the reason I have not released a public space for my writing until now.

If I hung onto them you would not be reading this.

Fear of opinion exists. To give into it is to succumb to being one of the multitudes that makes this earth a boring, shitty place to live on. I will not stand for that.

Attempting to frame your thoughts on my writing is cheating. More than cheating it is a huge turn off. I will keep it short with but one request.

I am not choosing to share these thoughts because I think I am righteous, I am choosing to share these thoughts because I most certainly need to see things from a different angle. I am not choosing to share these thoughts because they are polished and perfect, I share these thoughts because I want to be told how crude I am. I want to be schooled and silenced and not-know-what-to-say. I am not sharing these thoughts to intentionally incite opposition, I am choosing to share these thoughts because I believe they have merit and are worthy of discussion and debate. Write me off, engage with me, nitpick, share. The only things I won’t post on here are pieces of writing that are masturbatory and shined squeaky golden.

Sit with me on the rug. I want to tell you what’s been irking me. What’s been making my teeth grip. I’m telling you because I want to hear your thoughts. I’m telling you because I want to hear your voice.

~ CM ~

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